Beauty Full

'BEAUTY FULL." A Talk by Poojya Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar ji.

Adi Shankara spoke about dispassion, detachment, and renunciation. However, he foresaw that if he only talked about renunciation, people might start liking and encouraging sadness. He did not want people to stop appreciating beauty, so he sang a hundred verses on beauty.

Beauty has three levels: indication, expression and exposure. Spirituality indicates, art expresses, and science exposes.

The Divine is beauty, and beauty is Divine. Deva means one who loves to play, one who is effulgent, glorious, and one who plays. Demons fight, men live in peace, and Gods play. Playfulness cannot happen if there is no beauty; they go together. Enthusiasm, the same force that is beauty, creates playfulness. Beauty is associated with shyness, and shyness enhances beauty. For example, a small child sometimes makes a very shy face. When everyone notices and appreciates the child, he just hides his face. Likewise, shame is a part of ugliness. Shyness softens you; ugliness or shame hardens you. When a person feels ashamed, he becomes hard inside and becomes violent.

"The way of Gods, the way of the wise has always been indirect."

There is a saying in Sanskrit, 'Paroksha priya hi vai devaha?' which means, 'Gods love indirect methods'. Poetry is indirect. It is exaggeration. The heart always exaggerates, while the mind puts the fact forward. Fact is intellectual. But when it comes from the heart, the fact is decorated. It becomes doubly beautiful.

Direct expression is necessary when one is not awake. With the Awakened, hints and indirect expression make it all the more charming. But it does not mean that something is good or something is bad. Everything has its place and its time. Total exposure is not the language of the heart. Total exposure provokes and concealed beauty invokes. That is why this nature conceals the whole creation during the night inside itself, and reveals it the next morning.

"Love is at its peak when no effort is made to express it."

It is not that you should not express it sometimes- otherwise you may burst! There is beauty in not expressing it completely. In that secretiveness and the unveiling of Love, there is knowledge, there is opening, there is joy, and there is beauty. That is a Divine quality. Intellect has its place and poetry has its place. Both make life fuller. That is the beauty.

"See people beyond their expressions. What a person expresses is not what he is all about. There is a lot of unexpressed love in each life. Just recognizing this fact, you expand."

Your heart expands. With this knowledge you would never dwell on what someone says or does. What someone says is very small, and what someone does is just the ribbon on the package. If you do not like the ribbon, just take it off and look inside.

"Everybody is a packed gift. Look at more than just the wrapper. Inside each person is a very precious gift."

Some packages have firecrackers! Some packages have sweet candies. No box is empty. There is place for everybody in the heart of the Divine. That is what Jesus meant when he said, "there are many rooms in the house of my father".

So do not worry that there are so many people. Do not ask how you can be close to God. Do not worry about how you can belong there. There are many rooms, and each one of you will have your own private room! And Jesus promises, "if there are not many rooms, I shall make room for you and then come to take you there". The mind cannot appreciate the abstract; It is so used to looking at concrete things and promises. The mind needs promises. When you love somebody, you want a promise from him or her. You ask, "Do you promise me? Do you really love me? Tell me for sure!"

The second aspect of beauty is gratefulness. When you don't feel that you lack something, then you feel grateful. You cannot be grateful and feel that you lack something. The two cannot go together. You can experience both, but only at different times. When you feel you lack something, the grumbling begins. With the knowledge you have, you become grateful. When you are grateful, by natural law you will be given more. As Jesus has said, "those who have will be given more. Those who have not, even what little they have, will be taken away from them."

Whoever you want to love, first of all, know they love you very much. If you doubt in somebody's love, your doubt grows no matter what, you receive from him or her. If you want to be close to someone, first begin to feel they are already close to you. When you ask people whether they trust you, you already doubt their trust. You grow in doubt. There is no limit to it; there is no end to convincing people of one's love, one's trust, one's goodness. That is why it is said that those who have not, whatever little they have will also be taken away from them. And those who have will be given more, and more, and more. This is the very law of nature.

"Not having is just an attitude in you."

It is the direction you are moving in. Whatever is inside you is what grows. The seeds are already there. You sow the seeds and the seeds will grow. They become plenty. If the seed itself lacks something, how can anything grow? Open your eyes and see what you have been given! When you recognize what you have been given, you become grateful. In that gratefulness, life grows.

Why did Communism fail? It was a great policy to give to those who did not have. When everyone was provided for, the people became poorer and poorer in the material plane and in consciousness. Without knowledge, without wisdom, there is no progress.

This power, this energy, this beauty, this wealth has been given. It is permeating the whole Creation and without it not a blade of grass can move. However clever the devas, or angels are, they cannot move, cannot do anything without the power of consciousness and this life. Without life there is no beauty. A body is beautiful because there is life in it. The entire creation, the trees, the birds, animals, stones, and rivers are full of life. Life is not just biological life. Life includes the consciousness that permeates much beyond.

In creation there is beauty, in the operation of creation there is beauty, and in the destruction of creation there is beauty. You can see it in nature all the time. Spring has its own beauty; in mid-Summer everything is green; during Fall all the leaves fall and it looks spectacular! The Niagara Falls are so beautiful. To maintain these ancient falls year after year, a certain process is required. The clouds have to rise, and rain on the Great Lakes; and the Great Lakes have to flow. Only then the Niagara Falls can remain forever. Otherwise, if the water only flows down once, there is no more water to flow. If it does not rain, the whole beauty is gone!

Underneath creation's beauty is a maintenance principle that maintains it time after time, for centuries. Even a dead log of wood has its record embedded in it; its beauty, in the past and present, is recorded in its genes and particles. Even in transformation there is beauty. Even in anger, there is beauty. Just look at somebody who is very upset. The best awards in the film festivals go to the actors who show intense emotions like anger and frustration. All emotion that gets exhibited is appreciated.

Just imagine somebody yelling at the top of his voice, grinding his teeth, holding his fists, with red eyes and all the veins in their throat popping out. Just looking at them is such fun! Without them, the whole world would be very dull. Imagine everybody walking around with an "air-hostess" smile all the time. It is no fun! It is the same thing when children cry. There is some beauty even in crying. When they laugh or smile, there is beauty in it. If they are angry, there is beauty in it.

"Beauty is all-pervasive. You only have to open your eyes and see the reality that is there."

- His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar ji.

Hair today... gone tomorrow…

‘Utterly stupid’ is the first reply I got from one of the most important people in my life…

Well, life goes on... and hair grows back.

I like it…the best part is, I will not go through life wondering how I’d look with a short crop. And no… sometimes Photoshop is not enough, you have to go ahead and do it!

Happy new year…everyone!

Live life to the fullest!!!

Lots of love

For Mom and Dad

The thunderous rain goes red as tears trickle off my chin,

Silence wears a gloomy sorrowful band..

Stopped are words struggling to fall into place,

I wonder and wish upon a star they’d understand.

When my little fingers clenched upon those soft hands,

Knees scraped…I was swooped up in a sturdy sway..

Princess pink frock and you as courtiers would stand,

Wishing that face of pride could be frozen away.

All these years carry just one incessant mission,

A curve on those lips on the brink of wrinkles..

“Our Daughter”.. A gleam shouting from rooftops..

Laurels of friends, foes do not stand the test of time..

But douzing approvals bring even the sleepers to gallop..

And then again I sit back and watch as their hearts tear,

My world crushes, all seems a lie..

This moulded existence is worthless

if it hurts those I love most….

The new day urges to start afresh, bidding the shadows goodbye…

Episode for coll

Fiction story for coll mag..

This was going to be a great…..no, THE best experience of my life. From the past two weeks I was gearing up for these 120 minutes of pure, unadulterated magic….This Sunday was the premiere of ‘Stuart Little II’. For all those insensitive souls who prefer to refer to Stuart as merely a mouse with a furry cat behind him, I’m afraid that you’ll do not see the brilliant emotions being portrayed between those neatly trimmed whiskers by our lead man (in this case mouse). I was crushed when the movie was released bang in the middle of my ‘future determining’ examinations (as my mother puts it).. anyway ,happy days were here again and I was more than prepared!

The sun shone brightly that morning as I greeted it with my own version of the surya-namaskaar. This was to be the longest wait of my life….aah! but it was worth it. I went about doing the usual Sunday morning activities as my brother stealthily walked past with a smirk…oh no…I knew that grin.. it was the same one that Brutus gave Caeser before the famous “et tu,Brute?”, the same one that coallition parties give each other after elections(or even just before)…he would lower the axe just when I least expected. “Dad, India-Pak series starts today”.. ok. This was not bad. Being a cricket enthusiast I was well aware that play usually gets done by five, the premiere was not until eight in the evening. For once, I saw a faint image of a halo right above his head. “First one day-day and night match!”……. Why the sudden blank? Well that’s because I went NUMB. The ecstatic sound of a hi-fi between my dad and bro brought me back to reality…I knew it ..it was a fallacy of observation ..I had imagined the horns to be a halo!

Nay! He had put the ultimate question in front of me, ‘the first battle of our sporting skills-or the battle of an innocent soul; against the big bad world..’ This was a down-right low trick. The agency of crime-the times of India lay spread on the table mocking me. In bold letters it read, ‘Shoaibh awaits his kill’ and in a small tucked away corner sitings of the premiere. The world had been very unfair and I decided to do what was right. “We’re going to watch Stuart little tonight” There was a cackling laughter that followed which drowned everything that I uttered there on. It seemed a herculian task convincing my family how important this was to me. My mother sympathized with me and put off things till later. And the devil strolled off with a raised eyebrow that shouted out ‘we’ll see’ combined with that same nauseating sadistic grin.

But that didn’t dampen my spirits one bit. I took a calm afternoon siesta, to ensure that sleep doesn’t try and tempt me during the film. I was done with my studies (uhmmm) for the day, and was just giving finishing touches to my room for the grand finale. My bro tossed the instrument of supreme power and stomped out of the room, fuming (a little nagging does work at times) Remote...check, pillows…check, food.. uh-huh lots of food…check, wait I had missed something..Ah! there they were hiding right behind a pile books. After cleaning my spectacles for crystal clear vision, I let out a sigh and bid goodbye to Sachin and switched the channel.

‘Na-na-na…Universal pictures brings to you…poof! Universal pictures brings to me a blank screen? No.. it could not be …and then in a matter of ten seconds there was a combined yell of disgust in the neighborhood. Reality came crashing down and I felt more helpless than ever. How could the MSEB be so cruel..that trait wholly and solely belonged to my brother…but I was wrong, they had surpassed all levels of cruelty. When it finally sunk in,I decided to somehow console myself by listening to blasting reports on the radio(like I had a choice).the sorrow had seeped so deep I never did see the movie ever.

The next morning, the newspaper was splashed with India’s victory and the heroic deeds of Stuart were lost in the looms of time.

Dance..they're waiting..

This is something I'd written for Guruji a while back..Im sure all those who read this will relate to it in some way or the other...like always..he makes sure each and every being feels loved and cared for..
To my Guru..

Dance! …they’re waiting...

Once brilliant bulbs, now blinded by the gory beam

Shunning the world from my sodden eyes...

A blistering coal walk the stage seems

Thousand darkened faces, all but lie…

Fallen at the peak...no hand to hold

Piercing silence. I know not what to do

Head in knees, sitting still, wishing the world goes cold…

A glint at the far end like fresh morning dew...

So radiant, the warmth grew into me...

Looking into my eyes, he simply said...

“Dance…they’re waiting... cant you see?”

Childlike, candid, clear... there ought to be something wrong in his head..

“I can’t...” said I... “I’ve fallen can’t YOU see? ...

Never again will I spin and twirl… I’ve failed”

Like the oceans in summer the tears purged out…

A mistake... for the first time... I could not absorb...

And then the queerest occurred...

He smiled and reassuringly blinked...

Arm outstretched, soothingly whispered...

“Jumps and plummets will come go...

But one thing no one can steal away from you...”

Finally bound on the revelation mile...

I stared to hear words of splendid style...

“That curve on your lips…that smile!”

Bursting into a giggle, it hit me hard...

I took the hand and sprang up to prance...

He watched me as I stretched and twisted...

Curve vanishing? ... not a chance

Deafening applause slowly died out...

I turned from the empty auditorium to catch him now..

The stage was bare... no sign of life...

Puzzled I sat down to sigh...

When suddenly I felt his presence again...

Rhythmic beats but no being about...

Following the sound my fingers stopped still...

Below my face, right at my heart!

Birth of Celebration...UTSAV!!

‘So much to do, so little done’-These words of Cecil Rhodes from ‘Last words’ rang through the head of every single youth at MMRDA grounds Mumbai on the fourth and final day of ‘UTSAV’-clean from the inside and outside. The last three days had already got the crowd of two thousand pumped up with a spirit of true responsibility and self discipline. The participants eagerly poured for the finale and excitedly made room for themselves to start with their regular warm up sessions with our beloved Dinesh Ghodke. There was a deafening round of applause as he made his way on stage to begin the most exhilarating- ‘surya namaskaars’! Smiles grew bigger and warmer as the counts proceeded and Dinesh bhaiya, as he is fondly referred to, literally kept the funny side up by making volunteers count in marathi, hindi as well as tamil! The yoga session followed into the three stage pranayama, bhastrika and finally the icing on the cake…the precious ‘sudarshan kriya’.
The participants had invited their friends and relatives this evening. They entered the venue just in time to welcome with hoots, shouts and a thunderous racket, youth dynamo Khurshed Batliwala who greeted the crowd with his charismatic smile and immediately began the much awaited question answer sessions. Today, the mood was completely free of any inhibitions and the young blood of Mumbai threw a bold volley of questions, to receive characteristic ‘bau-isms’ in return. Thousands of bright faces were in splits and in complete awe for the brilliantly simple and straight forward solutions that came their way. Bau then went on to give brilliant pointers on giving a hundred percent in every aspect of life. It was amazing to see how just this one shift in our routine could increase our efficiency multifold, saving a large chunk of the day for pursuing other interests as well. It was then that Bau announced to the audience the concept of the ‘warning cards’ issued by the government. This card gives one the right to inform rather warn any miscreant about breaking traffic rules, spitting in public places, etc. Spontaneous cheers broke out as Bawa went on to talk about the ‘keep Mumbai clean and green’ project. Each one seemed to find maintaining roads an extremely relevant and grave need of the city.
As the sun started to simmer down, it was time for something to brighten the evening further. Vikram Hazra, along with Harshal, Krishnan and the troupe made a swooping entry into each and every heart by whipping out one smashing number after another. Vikram started with the mellow ‘Vakratunda…’, moving to ‘Tu mane ya….’ and finally fusing the popular ‘smoke on the water’ soundtrack with ‘Shambho..’. Screams were drowned when Vikram started playing a jaw dropping solo piece, which then led into a little bit of Sufi music like ‘Teri Deewani’ and finally concluding with the eternal ‘krishna govinda’. MMRDA really looked like the historic Vrindavan with hundreds of gopis and krishnas dancing in sync, in complete harmony with one another, with a feeling of belongingness! Generally, such youth concerts portray a picture of a slaughter house with incessant noise. But here, the setting was completely different and in between two bhajans, silence was observed which somehow seemed to make the tunes more melodious! Vikram finally left after innumerable ‘once mores’ making way for the impeccable duo Bawa and Dinesh once more to interact with the super charged audience.
Some participants came forward to share their experience on the four day event. Most of these were tear filled, coming straight from the heart, while some were plain unexplainable miracles! As one girl put it, “Nothing I’ve done till date has given me the kind of happiness and contentment this ‘utsav’ has. It truly is a celebration. I have never stood in a crowd of so many youths like myself and felt at home! I know we can start the change. You have made us believe we can. Thank you…” Another working professional added, “In the past few days, my efficiency has increased tremendously! I sleep for the same amount but I feel like I’ve rested enough. At the same time I’m actually being ‘nice’ to my colleagues and not snapping! And today my boss just complimented me on my work. This actually works...Wow!” A collegian added, “My concentration has shot up like crazy. Being an engineering student I have to generally manage assignments, practicals and exams all together. But in the last three days I’ve actually been doing things on time, which came as a shock even to my professors! My stamina has really increased and I can complete all the assignments on time. I even get time to play football in the evenings! Thank you so much!!” “I’ve always wanted to do something about the pollution in our city. But I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know if I could do it alone. As I stand and see thousands of concerned youths like me, I know we can make a difference .I’m glad we’re doing it out of a space of responsibility rather than anger. Thank you for helping find the strength in myself and my surrounding!”
It was heart rendering to see how everyone supported and encouraged each other while they were talking. This was followed by a formal felicitation of Mrs Kavita Khanna and Shaina NC who had immensely contributed to the success of UTSAV. The celebration came to an end with a short comical play depicting the typical lifestyles of an average Indian youth and a dance on the national song. As the beats of ‘Vande Mataram’ died down, the participants started leaving with heavy hearts and a sincere passionate feeling of making a better society.
If one feels that it’s impossible for a four day workshop to transform lives, to start a revolution…welcome to the magic of UTSAV!!! Lo and behold…

Jai Gurudev!
This is an account of what happened on Sunday morning, 9th March, the day on which Guruji took the mahakriya in Mumbai...
Seema Di and me were already miserable coz we'd already missed shivratri and were going to miss this as well. On Saturday night, I left for kumbakonam(my native place) from trichi to visit my grandparents for a day..I left after the course that evening and was to come back the next day to take yoga.. As I sat in the car, my mind wandered off to Mumbai...I pictured Guruji as usual making a smashing entry at the airport...aaaaaaaaaaahhhh.. tears trickled and soon I reached for my dupatta to somehow to somehow calm myself down..I don't remember how and when I dozed off with that familiar longing.. Suddenly I awoke with a start to see that we were on some village road... The driver was quite startled to see me get up and asked if I was okay.. I wanted to say I was doing fine, but I irrelevantly asked him where we were..it is out of character for me to bother with these things.. Like the jalebi script, the names of tamilian villages (or even people at times) qualify for third degree tongue twisters.. But he seemed excited that I was making conversation and making typical story telling, loud gestures, said, "The temple we are passing right now has 108 shiv lings!! very auspicious..It is said Shiva himself came here to meditate..." Hmmm...
All right then.. Shiv lings...saturday..ok seemed quite relevant..maybe that's why I got up... in my half convinced/sleepy/surprised/hungry state I thanked guruji as usual and went back to sleep.. in a matter of fifteen minutes we were at my grandparents home and I was thanking the driver while trying to keep bobby(my granddad's german sheppard) from giving me a nice wet welcome spit bath...my granddad calls it his way of expressing 'love'... anyway.. just when Hari(the driver) was leaving, I remembered I had left one of guruji's knowledge books in the backseat.. I rushed to get it..Feeling a strange sense of excitement I spontaneously asked him, "Have you heard of any village called paapanasham?"....He ignored me at first but while getting into the car he muttered.. " We passed it today.The temple I spoke about is in the heart of paapanasham...But why do you ask?" I yelped with joy!! At that moment, when I was down in the dumps and missing guruji like CRAZY,......THIS was amazing..It 11.30 p.m.
now so I decided I'd go there the next day.. I didn't get sleep that night and I was waiting for the sun to come up..Somehow the nights in the south seem to be excruciatingly long..
The next morning I took a bath,did my sadhana and was greeted by my grandmom to begin what my brother and me call 'pig fest'-where my grandmom believes I'm a malnutritioned, starved/diseased unfed child who will be saved only and only if stuffed like a pig with food..
An hour of emotional blackmailing filled with "Oh my god, you travel alone to college !", "you come here once in six months and refuse to eat", "You like the rasam?? Doesn't your mother make it at home or is it just chapati and poori all the time?" It's like a cassette which softens in it's pitch with every visit..
Finally, I was ready to leave.. Between the goodbye's I told my granddad I would be visiting paapanahsam.. He looked at me curiously.." Are you sure your Guruji's house is here? Why don't you ask the girl next door..She's a madcap just like you..Some thing or the other she's doing all the time" Unfortunately she had left for chennai..
I was now getting a tad impatient and hurriedly bid goodbye to them..
As I sat in the car, my dad called.."oh by the way..I heard your going to visit Paapanahsam? There are two of them you know right?" "WHAT?!!?" "One is near tirinelveli...that's eight ten hours away..You can check but.." What a cheer... It was already two in the afternoon and I had to start the yoga session in Trichi at six.. This was my only chance.. All the way to the village I was just praying to Guruji.. Coincidently, Paapanahsam is only 8 km from my place! Just as we entered the village my grand dad called to say one of his old friends had called after long and he happened to mention that I was there, and he confirmed that this was the village but he did not know the exact address.Yay!!! I screamed. "But how will you find the house?" "I will find it.." "But how?" " Just the way I found the village!" He laughed and disconnected the call.. We asked a few shopkeepers but none of them had any clue. Then one lady happened to mention something about south street.. Our next clue was south street..As we moved through the village we didn't stop anywhere..Suddenly I turned to look to my right .. there was a
lane leading to some temple and houses..we were in the car so I screamed and asked Hari to stop the car.. I told him that I felt that was the lane we had to turn into.. He looked straight at me and asked," Have you been here before?" "No" "So then how do you know?" "I can't explain..let's just check no.." But surprisingly he refused to budge.. he wanted to confirm with at least some localite, so he entered a chemist's store to enquire if this was South street.. The man shook his head saying south street was atleast two kms way...A triumphant Hari turned back to me.. But something inside me was unsettled..I urged him to ask the guy if he knew where Sri Sri Ravishankar stayed..At first Hari rolled his eyes..But on seeing my eternal optimism in the blistering sun he muttered guruji's name... Like a true angel this man tapped his forehead and said, "Take a U turn..go back down this road..do you see that lane there? enter it and at the end take a left again."
Hari was taken aback..I smiled and without any conversation quietly drove us into the lane.. In a lowered tone he slowly asked.." How will you recognize the house?They all look the same.." I smiled back..Hari out of some strange fear of god knows what accelerated.. Just as we passed few houses in top speed, I spotted a familiar gate ahead. I told Hari and this time without resistance the car was brought to a screaching halt.To my right I saw a huge splendid painting of Guruji..I knew I was there..
As I got out I noticed that the gate and main door were locked.. Hari enquired with the neighbours who said that no one lived here.. Hari seemed more disappointed than me as he walked back to the car. I seemed to be in complete denial of the situation... Giving an angry look to the sun my head dropped.. my eyes fell on the rangoli that was made in front of Guruji's home..It was fresh!!! YES!YES!YES! Someone had visited this place today.. I called on 'Watson-Hari' and told him of the recent developments.. Next was to hunt down the person who had done this... As I turned away to get some water I noticed a row of hutments on the opposite side.. On the third house there was a small picture of Guruji.. I suffer from myopia and at normal times anything at such a distance is nothing more than a blur..but I spotted His pic!! I went and knocked..A lady opened the door with a bright smile..I immediately told her that I had come all the way from Pune and eagerly wanted to see Guruji's home and asked if she could help.. she stared at me blankly for a few seconds then went back in..I thought my broken tamil had shoo-ed away my last ray of hope..she returned back gleefully and promptly handed over a bunch of keys.. I was overwhelmed and promised to give it back immediately..she smiled and said," take your time.."

Like a child I was off...the funny part was...for each lock I used to randomly pick up one key and it would open it!!! Sheesh.. It was so much fun! I felt like I was in Hogwarts... but this was cooler!!! The first thing that caught my eye was the big swing, then the pooja room to my right and the courtyard..I decided that I would come back to the pooja room at the end. I opened doors without having to choose a key! After giving myself and the now in nirvana- Hari, I came back down to find the huge wooden swing moving. I looked at Hari as it came to a standstill.."I was just checking if it moves!" And here I thought Guruji was at work again!
I then went into the pooja room and sat for a while and meditated..tears poured out and it was the only way I could express my gratitude to him at that moment..When I emerged out after half an hour..I found the swing moving again..Hari was nowhere in sight...he then came rushing in and stared blankly at the swing.."I swear I didn't touch it..I've been out getting flowers.." I don't know what this meant but I simply ran to the swing and hugged it..Above it was a photo of Guruji behind which there was a book..As I opened it I saw names of many people who had visited the place..I felt so privilleged and grateful to add my name in that list..
With an overwhelming feeling I bid goodbye to the place my guru had grown up in..I imagined amma keeping an eye on him as he played in the cradle..seeing the birds flying around in the courtyard.. even recollecting this story makes me weep..
I met the lady outside again and thanked her profusely for letting me in! She grinned and told me to drop in whenever I wanted to.. Hari seemed to be eagerly waiting to tell me something..The moment I sat into the car he said.."I just went to thhe corner shop and came..The man says they don't let anyone in alone..There is always the caretaker to show guests around..How did she let you in without thinking twice?" I smiled and said,"Maybe Guruji wanted me to explore his home just the way I wanted to..like a child!!"

I don't know if the part about the caretaker letting people is true or not...
But Guruji made me feel special and blessed..as always..